Beautiful. I think the basic story and storytelling works with minor weaknesses: needs a small whoosh when she goes up to help lead the audience, especially if someone blinks, and it would have helped to see her getting hit by the fist and forced toward the cloud.
The only thing I would say needed assistance in character animation is when she puts the hat on again - needs large antic and then overshoot for emphasis. Not sure what you intended with that, thought. The character animation and camera was great! Lighting was so nice.
It was really beautiful stuff. I stick by the assist of a little more foreground mist every so often. Quite a nice film, though, and your character animation was excellent.
Thanks again Steve for all your feedback. I know where I've gone wrong now and I intend to finish it properly over summer, I do feel I learnt a great deal along the way. Oddly enough vimeo seems to have really blasted the saturation up so the colours kinda merge between the hand/hat/clouds sometimes which is annoying but hopefully something that is easily overlooked.
Faaaaaaabulous! I loved the colors, the character, the linelessness, the textures, the lighting. The animation was really smooth and awesome. What was it done in? Your hard work really shows in all the subtle gorgeousness! I'm going to post it in my LJ [link]
Oh, that's sad. I didn't notice anything wrong with the color over there, but now you mention it they are a little similar.
HEY! Saw it a few more times. One of the lesser problems is the shape of the hat: hard to tell. Your simplistic style makes very little mean so much. I assumed the hat was a large flat brim, but the shadow underneath makes the hat look curved brim like a kind of sombrero. If it is flat brim, the problem is the under brim shadow curving instead of being a straight line. If it has a slight sombrero rim i think the problem is a lack of shadow on the upper part in a few scenes.
I was examining your background on the ground. The sky stuff is all great, and looks amazing with your Flash animated puffs coming off the hand on impact and all the slow out movements of bits of clouds being manipulated. Your semi-wipe with a cloud in the earlier part was excellent. The backyard BGs would be aided with a slightly different treatment, first off. Your sky BGs are done soft with sponge brushes. The ground should have been less painterly perhaps aside from the sky, and incorporated a few fades on the long fences with some small, sharp detail for slats and maybe cross beams or wood textures. A few sharp lines for grass texture every so often maybe as well. Small, thin, angular lines to set off the ground from the sky.
Perspective in the backyard- you tried, and were almost there. Not bad to an untrained eye, but you get two effects going on: an unusually tall background fence, and a lopsided fence making the girl look like she is standing in a pit. I would recommend redoing those backgrounds in the yard, the house inside is fine. Grid out a very strong 3 point and make sure the fences all line up right. If you like the high fences as a claustrophobic, enclosing element that is fine, but if you can have them slope slightly to a 3rd point in the sky it will give a bit more visual complexity. The current girl can just be floated about on the new backgrounds so she fits in properly. It would be good to orient her in the background more so she fits into a stronger composition of some sort, which might mean putting in a bit more detail and reframing the scenes shot from the house out to the backyard.
Are you going to make a final version over summer? I hope you don;t incorporate the cut you mentioned on Vixeo. I'd recommend a couple extra small scenes.
was shorter then I expected but still had some very strong movement and an interesting story. If I look really carefully I can spot quite a few bits where the shapes jump about so theres some consistancy issues but like I said I was looking really carefully.
Devious Comments
Beautiful.
I think the basic story and storytelling works with minor weaknesses: needs a small whoosh when she goes up to help lead the audience, especially if someone blinks, and it would have helped to see her getting hit by the fist and forced toward the cloud.
The only thing I would say needed assistance in character animation is when she puts the hat on again - needs large antic and then overshoot for emphasis. Not sure what you intended with that, thought. The character animation and camera was great! Lighting was so nice.
It was really beautiful stuff. I stick by the assist of a little more foreground mist every so often. Quite a nice film, though, and your character animation was excellent.
I loved the colors, the character, the linelessness, the textures, the lighting.
The animation was really smooth and awesome. What was it done in?
Your hard work really shows in all the subtle gorgeousness!
I'm going to post it in my LJ
[link]
HEY! Saw it a few more times. One of the lesser problems is the shape of the hat: hard to tell. Your simplistic style makes very little mean so much. I assumed the hat was a large flat brim, but the shadow underneath makes the hat look curved brim like a kind of sombrero. If it is flat brim, the problem is the under brim shadow curving instead of being a straight line. If it has a slight sombrero rim i think the problem is a lack of shadow on the upper part in a few scenes.
I was examining your background on the ground. The sky stuff is all great, and looks amazing with your Flash animated puffs coming off the hand on impact and all the slow out movements of bits of clouds being manipulated. Your semi-wipe with a cloud in the earlier part was excellent. The backyard BGs would be aided with a slightly different treatment, first off. Your sky BGs are done soft with sponge brushes. The ground should have been less painterly perhaps aside from the sky, and incorporated a few fades on the long fences with some small, sharp detail for slats and maybe cross beams or wood textures. A few sharp lines for grass texture every so often maybe as well. Small, thin, angular lines to set off the ground from the sky.
Perspective in the backyard- you tried, and were almost there. Not bad to an untrained eye, but you get two effects going on: an unusually tall background fence, and a lopsided fence making the girl look like she is standing in a pit. I would recommend redoing those backgrounds in the yard, the house inside is fine. Grid out a very strong 3 point and make sure the fences all line up right. If you like the high fences as a claustrophobic, enclosing element that is fine, but if you can have them slope slightly to a 3rd point in the sky it will give a bit more visual complexity. The current girl can just be floated about on the new backgrounds so she fits in properly. It would be good to orient her in the background more so she fits into a stronger composition of some sort, which might mean putting in a bit more detail and reframing the scenes shot from the house out to the backyard.
Are you going to make a final version over summer? I hope you don;t incorporate the cut you mentioned on Vixeo. I'd recommend a couple extra small scenes.
you did a good job on it!
--
"Formally known as dancing cat"
Colours, clouds, animation, style, all very yes.
THIS WILL DO WELL ON THE SHORTS CIRCUIT. I GUARANTEE.
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I'm Otto Osworth in the deviantART Cartoon Cartoons crew!
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